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ink-thehorizon:

*cough* have sex with me *cough*

codeinewarrior:

*walks into starbucks* lemme get uh spaghetti bolognese macchiato

"sir we don’t serve that"

don’t bullshit me i saw the secret menu on instagram

  • mom: don't eat the cookies yet, they just came out of the oven and are too hot
  • me: fire cannot kill a dragon